Thursday, February 10, 2011

PROFESSORIALLY ADRIFT: Americans Anonymous 12-step Plan for Academic Change (Part B)


1. Vice Provost dismisses faculty member due to 'administrative cutbacks', says "Nothing I can do"

2. Faculty member stalks hallway, flailing wildly as part of Marxist rant

3. Packs office memorabilia into cardboard box, including birthday card from college president with automated signature

4. Urinates on colleague's door

5. Orders "glass of beer" in tavern

6. Remembers ideals -- and spits on them

7. Hires lawyer to sue school; blows through rainy day fund after long-term litigation and murderous fees, but in the end, lawyer drops his case

8. Fails to pay mortgage

9. Evicted from domicile

10. Scrawls KKK on dumpster

11. Takes shotgun and potted meat food product to woods, where he discovers former students, radicalized, living off mosses & mushrooms

12. Goes to Modern Language Association annual convention packing heat